I picked up Strangers: A Memoir of Marriage by Belle Burden expecting a juicy divorce memoir. What I got was a thoughtful, sometimes uncomfortable look at how a marriage can unravel so gradually that, by the end, the person you’ve shared your life with feels almost unrecognizable.
Burden’s memoir has all the ingredients of a page-turner: Wealth, privilege, beautiful homes, family dynamics, betrayal and a divorce that becomes increasingly contentious.
More than once, I found myself staying up later than I should have, telling myself I’d read just one more chapter.
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As a financial adviser, however, I found myself reacting to different parts of the story than most readers probably would.
At one point, I wanted to reach through the pages and yell, “No! Do not take your money out of your separate property trust and put it into a jointly owned home!”
That’s what made the book so compelling to me. Beneath the story of a marriage ending was another story unfolding quietly in the background: The financial decisions being made along the way.
The danger of disengaging with your finances
Burden’s story reminded me how easy it is for intelligent, capable people to become passive participants in their financial lives. Not because they lack the ability to understand money, but because life is busy.
Careers demand attention. Children need to be raised. Marriages operate on trust. One spouse naturally takes the lead in certain areas, and before long, financial decisions become something that simply happens in the background — often brushed aside with a comment like, “This is all too complicated for you to understand, anyway.”
Most of the time, that arrangement works just fine … until circumstances change.
The reality is that many of the financial pitfalls people encounter aren’t obvious. Few people wake up worrying about how property is titled, whether inherited assets have been properly protected, whether a prenuptial agreement still reflects their current situation, or whether beneficiary designations are consistent with their wishes.
Yet these are precisely the kinds of issues that can have life-changing consequences.
What makes Strangers particularly powerful is that Burden doesn’t portray herself as a victim of circumstance. Near the end of the book, she reflects on a series of decisions involving her prenuptial agreement, property ownership and her level of involvement in the family’s financial affairs.
Reading those reflections, I found myself thinking less about the divorce itself and more about the dozens of moments along the way when a different conversation, a second opinion or a deeper understanding of the financial implications might have altered the outcome.
That’s a lesson I see play out frequently in my profession.
Many people assume the greatest financial risks they face involve the stock market. They worry about whether they should buy a particular fund, invest in international stocks or wait for a market correction.
In reality, some of the most consequential financial decisions have little to do with investing. They happen when we sign legal documents we don’t fully understand, make changes to ownership structures, neglect to update estate plans or assume someone else is paying attention to details that affect our future.
The value of expert financial advice
This is one of the reasons I believe comprehensive financial planning is so valuable. A good financial adviser doesn’t simply manage investments. They help clients identify risks they may not even realize exist.
Sometimes the most important question in a planning meeting isn’t, “What should I do?” but rather, “What haven’t I thought about?”
And yes, you can use AI chatbots to answer questions, but you need to know what to ask them.
An experienced adviser, however, can prompt the questions that haven’t yet occurred to you:
- What happens if circumstances change?
- Does this legal agreement still reflect our intentions?
- Have we unintentionally exposed assets we meant to protect?
- Is the financial structure of our lives still aligned with the reality of our lives?
Those aren’t questions most people ask regularly. They’re certainly not questions people ask when they’re in love. Yet they’re often the questions that matter most.
The power of staying engaged
That’s ultimately the financial lesson I took away from Strangers. Burden’s story is deeply personal, and every marriage is different. But her reflections serve as a reminder that financial security isn’t created by avoiding difficult conversations. It’s created by having them early, revisiting them often and staying engaged in the decisions that shape your future.
By the end of the book, I wasn’t thinking about the divorce anymore.
I was thinking about all the people sitting across from me every year who assume nothing will change.
Most of the time, they’re right.
The problem is not planning for the possibility that they’re wrong.
