Frank and Joan Shortland seen here at the their Coventry home celebrating their golden wedding anniversary, 19th August 1998. (Photo by Derrick Warren/Mirrorpix/Getty Images)
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Americans are living longer than any previous generation, yet we spend billions trying to look younger instead of learning how to grow older well. Research shows happiness often rises with age, but only when people shift from resisting aging to practicing the habits that build wisdom. That shift — from aging to Sage‑ing — is becoming one of the most important personal transformations of midlife and beyond.
Picture someone in your mind who is aging. What characteristics come to mind? Many of us default to stereotypes reflected in movies like “Grumpy Old Men” — stuck in their ways, bitter, grouchy, slow. But that image is increasingly out of step with what we know about later life and what many older adults are choosing for themselves.
Sage-ing, a framework embedded by organizations such as Sage-ing International, the Modern Elder Academy and The Center for Conscious Eldering, offers a different path. Instead of focusing on looking younger, it emphasizes living with grace, wisdom, resilience and purpose —and using one’s life experience to create a better world for current and future generations.
Getting older in our society remains a challenge. We live in a youth-centric culture, and marketing dollars pour into anti-aging messages: Look younger. Avoid looking older. The emphasis stays on the external body. Yet, research on young adults shows they are not as happy as they used to be, while some studies find that people grow happier as they grow older.
One of the key requirements of Sage-ing is embracing aging, and this can feel scary and counterintuitive. Yet from the moment we are born, we grow older. It is a privilege to age. Instead of focusing on getting older, we can focus on the many years of life experience we carry.
For many people, the interior work necessary to Sage — and age with grace — doesn’t come naturally. And it is not about being successful, smart or wealthy. In fact, success can create its own handcuffs because identity becomes so closely tied to position and titles.
When we do the inner work of reflecting on our thoughts, emotions, beliefs and behaviors, we can transform our life experience into wisdom we can share with others. When we pass on wisdom, we live our legacy.
Practice The Habits Of The Heart
Do you think of yourself as wise? I recently interviewed Ben Katt. Katt holds a Master of Divinity degree and works as a spiritual coach and meditation teacher, in addition to serving as an ordained minister.
When I asked him about the most important way to grow in wisdom, he replied, “Practice. The power of practice. We can’t just be in the head but focus on your heart. Move from striving to stillness. Deep transformation is on the inside — inner work. We need to learn new habits of the heart. Downloading more information isn’t the answer. Develop new practices.”
I knew exactly what he was describing. My spiritual guide has emphasized this point for almost a year. While I am good at getting out of my comfort zone and learning new things, consistently practicing those new things — especially those that involve inner work — can be difficult. For instance, I am guilty of collecting journals and not writing in them, and attending meditation workshops but never managing to meditate daily.
Research into building new habits often focuses on New Years resolutions, but the advice applies any time of year. If you’re struggling to consistently look inward, try adding more structure — such as journaling or meditating at the same time every day — or examine whether the method is right for you. Not everyone needs to journal, and there’s more than one way to meditate.
Making time for what Sages call “contemplative practices” can help you make connections, see moments in your life with more meaning, choose your priorities more intentionally and reframe your mindset about aging in a more positive direction. You don’t have to live your own version of “Grumpy Old Men.”
Slow Down On Purpose
Recently, Sharon McMahon offered a message that could prove helpful for all of us:
“The world will inherit what you practice. So practice love. Practice joy. Practice peace. Practice forbearance. Practice kindness, and goodness and faithfulness and gentleness and self-control. Practice the kind of durable hope that does not look away from what is broken but also refuses to let brokenness have the final word.”
As Katt emphasized, this is the time to “learn new habits of the heart.” Anything worth doing well takes practice, and practice takes time. One benefit of life after our main career is that we often have more time and flexibility to practice.
Work hard to slow down. Sit with stillness. Focus on what matters most.
What is it you want to practice?
Are you aging, or are you becoming a Sage?
If you want to change how you live your life, you still have time.
