When It Comes to Dating, Younger Generations Are Less Likely Than Older Ones To Think That Men Should Pay For Dates

While men have traditionally been expected to pick up the tab on dates, as gender norms have shifted over the past few decades, so have expectations of who pays.

A recent survey from Chime, a financial technology company, revealed that younger generations are less likely than older ones to believe that a man should pay the bill on a date.

According to the data, 45% of Gen Xers think a man should pay for dates, while only 36% of Gen Z did. Nearly one-quarter of Gen Zers, however, said they preferred to split the bill.

The survey also found that attitudes about who pays for the date varied by gender, with 47% of men believing that they should pay, and only 34% of women agreeing.

Here’s Why Younger Generations May Be More Open To Splitting The Bill On Dates

Going dutch could be gaining ground as cost of going on a date—like dining out, buying drinks, and purchasing an outfit—has increased because of inflation.

The trend could also reflect a shift in how people think about dating, as the concept of dating itself has become more blurred in the modern era.

“For some reason, younger generations are more hesitant to call it a ‘date.’ They define ‘talking’ as anything from messaging on a dating app to sleeping with each other,” said Erika Ettin, dating coach and founder of A Little Nudge. “So if they are not technically going on a date, then going Dutch would make more sense.”

This ambiguity has made it harder to know what’s expected, especially when it comes to who should pay.

“Everyone is confused these days. For men dating women, I still advise them to pay for a first date, which I only recommend coffee or a drink anyway. And for women dating men, I advise them to make the offer,” said Ettin.

And while gender norms may be changing, they may not be changing very fast—a significant percentage of Gen Zers still think men should pay for dates.

In a 2020 Atlantic article, sociologist Ellen Lamont analyzed young adults in San Francisco, California. She found that heterosexual women often claimed to want an egalitarian relationship, where men and women share in domestic duties. However, the reality was often different—women still expected men to plan and pay for dates.

“And yet in a throwback to an earlier era, many women I spoke with enacted strict dating rules. ‘It’s a deal breaker if a man doesn’t pay for a date,’ one woman, aged 29, told me,” writes Lamont. “A lot of men, they assumed, were looking for nothing more than a quick hookup, so some of these dating rituals were tests to see whether the man was truly interested in a commitment.” 

Yet most importantly, Ettin emphasizes the importance of communication in dating and advises against making assumptions about who pays.

“Here’s the thing: Some people will offer to split if they don’t want to see the other person again. Some people will offer to split 100% of the time. Some people take the offer as a lack of interest. Some take it as politeness. The conclusion? Don’t assume anything,” said Ettin.

The Bottom Line

Younger generations are less likely to think that men should foot the bill on dates compared to older generations. This trend could reflect changes in gender norms, shifting ideas about relationships in the modern era, and the reality of rising costs.

Expectations aren’t one-size-fits-all, so you should be transparent about your expectations from the beginning—doing so can help both you and your date avoid any misunderstandings.