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When it comes to divorce, we’ve all heard the horror stories. The breakup left me broke, lonely or depressed. Even in a gray divorce where both parties were left financially stable, divorce can still be difficult.
Statistics tend to prove that out. Women’s standard of living drops by an average of 45% after a gray divorce, while divorced men over 50 see a higher decline in physical and mental health and shorter life expectancies than their married counterparts.
No wonder my friend is depressed. At 58, he’s facing the prospect of single life at a time when most couples are settling into a shared retirement.
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Despite the grim stats, there is a brighter side to divorce, one that many people don’t talk about, but should. Whether it’s finances or freedom, here’s why being divorced can truly be a positive life change once the dust settles.
The Brighter Side of Divorce: The Financial Upsides
As with any loss, there are stages of grief with divorce. We all know the drill: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and ultimately, acceptance. But there is another layer to this: fear. Will I have enough money to support myself and my family?
What happens if I get sick and need round-the-clock care? Will I ever find love again — or do I even want that? What does my retirement look like when I no longer have a spouse to grow old with?
You planned your entire life — including your financial plan — around a partnership, and now that’s gone. All of a sudden, you are faced with a mountain of unknowns at a stage in life where you probably thought you finally had it all figured out.
While divorce introduces these unknowns, there are also significant financial benefits to going it alone as you approach retirement. Some of those positives include:
1. The ten-year rule for Social Security: If you were married for at least ten years and are 62 or older, you may be eligible to collect Social Security benefits based on your ex’s earnings record. It doesn’t reduce your ex-spouse’s benefit, and they don’t even have to know you claimed it.
There is one caveat: you must remain unmarried to receive the benefit. It basically creates a financial safety net for you in retirement and alleviates one fear of divorce, especially if you were the lower earner throughout the marriage.
2. You can spend how you want to: Being married means compromise, from where you live to the vacations you go on. Depending on the marriage, your spouse can have a say in everything from the color of the walls to how often you eat out. When you get divorced, you are alone, but you also have full autonomy over your spending and saving. That can be very freeing.
3. You’ll get your fair share thanks to a Qualified Domestic Relations Order (QDRO): A common part of divorce proceedings when a tax-advantaged retirement account like a 401(k) or pension is involved is a QDRO, which ensures you are legally entitled to your share of those marital assets.
A bonus: depending on the plan, your share can be rolled into your own retirement account once the divorce is finalized. You won’t have to wait for your ex-spouse to stop working to get control of that money.
Plus, if you take a cash distribution directly from the 401(k) through the QDRO, you won’t be on the hook for the 10% early withdrawal penalty even if you are under the age of 59½.
4. Retirement and estate planning made easy: You may be solo now, but your finances just got a lot easier, whether it’s where you want to live when you retire or who you want to leave assets to upon your death. When you are single, you have total control over your estate planning; you don’t have to worry about your spouse’s family unless you want to.
Nor do you have to take into account your ex’s retirement dreams and bucket list when planning for your golden years. Your legacy is now entirely yours to define, ensuring that every dollar you’ve worked for goes exactly where you, and only you, want it to.
The Brighter Side of Divorce: The Emotional Upsides
The brighter side of divorce doesn’t end with your newfound freedom to control your finances and your legacy; it can also have a huge positive impact on your mental and physical health, even if it doesn’t feel like that while you are in the throes of the mourning process.
While it may be hard to get out of bed today, tomorrow it will get easier, and before you know it, you will be embracing this new solo journey with a new vigor. After all, the benefits of divorce include, but are not limited to:
1. You can find yourself again: Whether your role was the sole provider, caregiver, or a combination of both, when you get divorced, you are given a second chance to find your true self.
Many of us — particularly women — lose our identity in our marriage, and divorce forces us to find it again. One study found that nearly one in three divorced women in midlife report being happier than ever.
2. Your health may improve: Divorce doesn’t come out of nowhere. It’s usually precipitated by stress, anger, fighting and emotional disconnect, all of which can be detrimental to your physical and mental health. When the marriage ends, so does much of that bad energy, which could do wonders for your well-being.
In fact, studies of postmenopausal women show that those who divorce see a decrease in BMI and blood pressure compared to those who stay married. While men often have a tougher physical transition, those who use the split to shed negative feelings and toxic patterns can see a massive improvement in their mental clarity.
Getting divorced may be exactly what you need to finally prioritize your own physical fitness and mental health, ushering in a healthier life.
3. The end of walking on emotional eggshells: One of the biggest benefits of divorce is that you no longer have to manage a spouse’s moods, social life, chores or day-to-day obligations. Nor do you have to manage their family. All of those requirements go out the window, and you can finally focus on you, your children and the things you actually care about.
If you want to lie around all day watching football and eating takeout, you have nobody to answer to. If you want to head out for a 6:00 a.m. hike, you won’t have to hear any grousing from your other half.
All of that stress, worry and hypervigilance about your partner’s reaction to your needs is gone. That is one of the most liberating things about divorce, and it will do wonders for your physical and mental well-being.
Embrace This New Chapter
Divorce is scary, and while it seems like a failure and the end of the world in the beginning, ultimately, it can be the best thing that ever happened to you and even to your spouse.
There are protections in place to ensure you get your fair share, and once the dust settles, your newfound freedom and ability to find your true self will set you up for a journey full of success and serenity. After all, you aren’t just starting over; you’re starting better, with the wisdom and the resources to make the next chapter your best one yet.
Divorce doesn’t have to be doom and gloom; take it from those who have embraced the change and seen the brighter side of decoupling.
