Question: My grown child got laid off. How do I talk to them about it over the holidays without making them think I’m disappointed in them?
Answer: The holidays are a great time for families to reconnect. And if you’re an empty nester with grown kids, you may be looking forward to seeing them this December.
A recent survey found that 54% of empty nesters expect their grown children to come home for the holidays. And 69% say luring them home with the promise of their favorite foods is a tactic that’s long been successful.
Sign up for Kiplinger’s Free Newsletters
Profit and prosper with the best of expert advice on investing, taxes, retirement, personal finance and more – straight to your e-mail.
Profit and prosper with the best of expert advice – straight to your e-mail.
But if your grown child is planning to return home for the holidays, you don’t want to spoil that visit by discussing topics that may be off-putting, such as when they plan to pop the question to their long-term partner or when they might contemplate blessing you with the grandchild you’ve always wanted.
Topics like these are ones you might know to bite your tongue on. But if your child recently lost their job, that’s a harder subject to ignore.
You don’t want to make it seem like you aren’t concerned for your child’s mental and financial well-being. But you also don’t want to make your adult child feel worse about the situation when it’s out of their control.
It’s a tough act to balance, but here’s how to tackle the topic of unemployment at a time when you’re also supposed to be embracing the joy of the holidays.
Be generous with validation and empathy — not advice
When a child of yours is struggling, it’s natural to want to dole out advice — no matter the situation. In the context of a recent layoff, advice may not be well received, says Raffi Bilek, LCSW-C and therapist at The Baltimore Therapy Center. So he recommends focusing on validating your child’s feelings and expressing empathy instead.
“Don’t tell them what they should do or, worse, what they should have done — even if you have really helpful thoughts to share,” Bilek insists. “Just ask them how they’re doing and give plenty of validation.”
Bilek says it could be helpful to say things like, “Of course you’re a bit depressed right now. You just got laid off. It makes sense that you’d be a little more stressed lately. I totally get it.”
He also recommends empathetic statements like, “I can only imagine how hard it must be to be going through this right now. I’m so sorry this is happening to you.”
“’You know what I would do if I were you?’” does not fall into either of those categories,” he explains.
If you believe you have useful advice for your child, you can, after validating their feelings and expressing empathy, ask if they’re open to it, Bilek says. But if they decline, respect that and don’t push.
“Nothing is less helpful than unwanted advice,” he explains.
That said, you shouldn’t hesitate to let your child know that you’re proud of them for doing the best they can in the face of a difficult situation, Bilek says. That way, you’re being supportive without overstepping.
Give your adult child a day off from feeling down
Losing a job can take a huge toll on your child’s mental health. If they’re coming home for the holidays, one nice thing you can try to do for them is give them a break from that line of thinking, says Nicole Issa, Clinical Psychologist and founder of PVD Psychological Associates.
“Give them a day off,” she insists. “Sleep late and maybe go out together for the afternoon shopping or having coffee. No pressure and no expectations mean they can, for a short time, forget about what’s happened and remove themselves from any feelings of anxiety.”
Make it clear that you’re there for support
Losing a job can be an isolating experience. And it can also stir up feelings of shame, even if the layoff had nothing to do with performance. That’s why it’s important to make it clear that you’re there for your child during this challenging time, says Andrew Crowell, Financial Advisor and Vice Chairman of Wealth Management at D.A. Davidson.
As a dad of two children in their 20s himself, Crowell understands how important it is to support a child in this situation without overstepping. He suggests that you start with something along the lines of, “Listen, I know it’s been a rough couple of months for you, and I just want you to know that I’m here for you if you wish to talk.”
“This opens the door to further discussion but leaves it up to the child to decide when, how, or even if to pursue it further,” Crowell says.
He also recommends letting your child know that you’re confident in their ability to secure a new job. You might say something like, “I know this is a challenging time right now, but I have confidence in you that you’ll be resilient and find your footing once again, just as you always have in the past.”
If you also want to provide financial support to your adult child, tread carefully. While it’s a common practice — a whopping 50% of parents supported their adult children in 2025, according to Savings’ fourth annual survey — it can jeopardize your retirement security.
Finally, Crowell says, don’t only talk about your child’s layoff. Spend just as much time, if not more so, catching up on life outside of work. And don’t be afraid to sprinkle in some nostalgia and family memories.
After all, the holidays are supposed to be joyous. And they still can be for your child, even if they’re in the midst of navigating a career setback.
