This aerial view shows revellers waiting during the 35th edition of the Francofolies Music Festival, in La Rochelle, southwestern France, on July 12, 2019. (Photo by XAVIER LEOTY / AFP) (Photo by XAVIER LEOTY/AFP via Getty Images)
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The longer we live, the more we will experience losses of family members, friends, abilities, interests, and more. There is some truth to the common expression,“Aging isn’t for the faint of heart.” I first learned of the glimmer concept when attending a workshop at the Modern Elder Academy which is known as “the world’s first mid-life wisdom school.” When you look at many of the retirement or birthday cards for people over 60, the messages are often negative and not funny. To age positively and gracefully, we need to shift our frame of mind from loss to gain. From dark to light. From sadness to joy.
One technique for changing our mental framework is to look for small delights or “glimmers” that bring joy. Glimmers, a term coined by Deb Dana, are small, positive moments that evoke feelings of safety, joy, peace, or connection. Glimmers are often routine moments, yet overlooked. Glimmers have been called small moments of ordinary magic.
Small Joys Can Make A Big Impact
On Rhythm of Regulation, Dana explains that “[a] glimmer could be as simple as seeing a friendly face, hearing a soothing sound, or noticing something in the environment that brings a smile. … Glimmers are a cue in the day, either internal or external, that sparks a sense of wellbeing.” Internal glimmers are usually sensory –a lovely scent, pleasing sound, nice feeling.
Dana is a leader in Polyvagal Theory, which describes how the nervous system reacts to environmental cues. “While ‘triggers’ activate a fight-or-flight stress response, glimmers signal safety and calm, activating the body’s rest-and-digest system. Over time, habitually focusing on glimmers can help regulate the nervous system and rewire the brain toward a more positive, calm state.”
Seeking glimmers in life can be a valuable practice in maintaining a positive mindset as we age— and the practice is free and available to everyone and anyone.
In an article by Jancee Dunn in the “New York Times” titled “Happiness Doesn’t Have to be a Heavy Life,” Barbara Fredrickson, director of the Positive Emotions and Psychophysiology Laboratory at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, talks about how “micro-moments of positivity can improve your well-being.” Even though these moments can be fleeting, Frederickson said, they can “act as nutrients for psychological health and growth, helping you become a better version of yourself, little by little.”
Finding Your Glimmers
To integrate “low-lift pleasures” into our lives, Dunn asked some experts.
Look for reverse pet peeves. Bree Groff, author of the book “Today Was Fun: A Book about Work (Seriously),” defines a pet peeve as “something small that disproportionately annoys you.” Groff suggests seeking a reverse pet peeve, which is “something small that brings you disproportionate joy.”
Schedule some T.L.Js. Author MaryCatherine McDonald calls glimmers tiny little joys, or T.L.J.s. She suggests making a list of your T.L.J.s and then try to incorporate one of these as a habit at a certain time of day. This could be your first sip of coffee in the morning or a bite of dark chocolate after dinner.
Do something in “slo-mo” on purpose. Dr. Sue Varma, author of “Practical Optimism” likes to put a daily activity on slow motion. Intentionally do something daily on half speed such as washing dishes, cleaning the house, walking, or applying your daily skin care. This can be a way to practice mindfulness, which can improve mental health.
Find “the sliver.” While you maybe can’t afford the time or money to go on a vacation, Groff try to find a sliver of the experience such as a short staycation. Do something for yourself such as a massage, manicure, or pedicure. Go to a movie or watch your favorite series to escape and find small moments of joy. Glimmers can also be found on social media. My husband enjoys watching funny dog videos on Instagram—dogs surfing or on skateboards. The key is not to let the social media glimmers become a “light” that stays on too long. The research on social media indicates higher use increases depression and loneliness which is the opposite of the purpose of finding the sliver or glimmers.
For me, I find glimmers in meeting a friend for coffee and conversation and doing something creative daily. Since I make cards and postcards as a hobby, I view each note I write and send as a glimmer for me and for the recipient. Not only do I enjoy making cards, but I love to make ornaments out of burned out light bulbs. I gift them and call them little gems, but I might start calling them glimmers.
What can you do to find more tiny little joys in your life? The glimmers already exist. We just have to be intentional about noticing them and integrating them more often into our lives.
