Is Being Too Nice With Money Costing You? 9 Habits That Quietly Drain Your Wallet

Generosity is good—but what if it starts to sabotage your savings? You might be spending out of habit or social pressure without realizing how much it’s costing you. 

“One of the first things I tell people who consider working with me is that I’m not the fun police,” says Erik Scudder, a certified financial planner and founder of Trailhead Financial in Fairfax, Virginia. He has prospective clients fill out an expense worksheet.

The task isn’t about telling them what not to do, he says, but to see how they’re spending money. “They’ll often come back and say, ‘Oh, I didn’t realize I was spending this much on this or on that.’”

To find areas to cut back on, he suggests looking at your spending by category. You could check your bank account or credit card, or you could even input your information into a budgeting app.

“The information is right there at their fingertips, and it often surprises people when they actually look at those numbers because most people don’t on a regular basis,” Scudder says.

Here are nine habits that might be costing you more than you think:

• Buying a round of drinks
• Picking up the check
• Splitting a restaurant check equally when your share is less
• Going to every big event you’re invited to
• Going along with group plans that are too big for your budget
• Donating to every ask
• Buying gifts for every occasion
• Over-gifting for the holidays
• Over-tipping

The Cost of Being Too Generous at Restaurants and Bars

Whether it’s buying a round of drinks, frequently picking up the check, over-tipping, or splitting a group bill evenly when you ordered the cheapest thing on the menu, restaurant spending can add up.

Dining and groceries are two spending categories that a lot of people can trim, Scudder says. “How much food—groceries—are you throwing out? And do you really need Uber Eats however many times a week?”

When Social Plans Stress Your Budget

Travel can get expensive—and it’s hard to say no to weddings, baby showers, birthday parties, and group trips. While missing these celebrations might make you feel guilty, it’s important to consider your financial goals, too. Saving for college or retirement might be less fun than spending money on a trip to see friends and family, but don’t lose sight of what’s important.

Over-Giving Over the Holidays

You don’t have to give gifts to everyone you know for the holidays. Consider starting holiday traditions that don’t cost much, like caroling, drinking eggnog, and playing board games near a fire. Or host an ugly sweater party—and go to a thrift store to get that sweater.

Consider whether you’re giving in a way that reflects your values, or if you’re giving due to social pressure. If it’s the latter, “I would question whether it’s a true friendship,” Scudder says.

The Bottom Line

Being kind doesn’t have to be costly.

You might want to set a limit for social spending and work that into your budget. Another option is to pause before automatically paying when you’re out with friends. You can use that moment to ask yourself whether it’s truly your turn. “Think about the trade-off,” Scudder says. “Do you really need to do this?”

And remember, you can be generous in other ways. Give time, attention, energy, and compassion. It’s great to focus on your relationships, but you don’t always have to spend money to do so. You can spend time instead.