How Much Is Too Much for Most Americans?

When people talk about relationship “red flags,” they usually mean communication issues or mismatched values. But for almost 8 in 10 Americans, debt now belongs on that list.

In an economy where student loans, credit cards, and rising living costs are part of everyday life, money isn’t just a practical concern—it’s increasingly a compatibility factor. New survey data suggests that for many Americans, how much someone owes can influence whether a relationship moves forward at all.

Even Debt Under $10,000 Can Be a Dealbreaker

According to a January 2026 survey by digital personal finance company Achieve, 78% of Americans say a partner’s short-term debt is a dating dealbreaker—clear evidence that money is shaping modern relationship standards.

But the more nuanced question is this: How much debt is too much?

Nearly half of respondents (45%) said they would not date someone carrying $25,000 in short-term debt—defined as credit cards, personal loans, and buy now, pay later financing. For more than a quarter (28%), the tolerance is even lower: Debt under $10,000 would be enough to end a budding relationship. Just 22% said debt wouldn’t stop them from dating someone.

The responses reveal just how varied Americans’ tolerance for debt can be. For some, even a relatively modest balance feels like a red flag. For others, the context of the debt may matter more than the total figure.

It’s also worth putting those limits in perspective. The average credit card balance per consumer was $6,735 as of June 2025, according to Experian. That figure reflects credit card debt alone—not personal loans or buy now, pay later balances—meaning total short-term debt is higher for some consumers.

The survey also highlights differences across demographics. Women (80%) were more likely than men (74%) to say debt is a dealbreaker. Divorced respondents (86%) were the most cautious—likely influenced by prior financial entanglements.

At its core, this isn’t only about the dollar amount. It’s about what the debt represents. Medical bills from an emergency? Student loans tied to career growth? Or high-interest credit card balances from overspending? The same number can tell very different stories.

Most Americans Expect the Money Talk Within Months

If debt can be a dealbreaker, timing becomes critical.

According to the survey, 72% of Americans believe debt should be discussed within the first six months of a relationship. Breaking that down further, many respondents expect the conversation much sooner: 16% said within the first month, 34% said between one and three months, and 25% said within four to six months.

Even more telling is that 85% say people should be upfront about their debt. And 60% report they would likely end a relationship if they discovered their partner had hidden debt. More than just statistics, these figures reflect expectations around trust and honesty. Talking about finances is rarely just about numbers. It’s about open communication, priorities, and future planning. When someone hides debt, it can feel less like a financial issue and more like a breach of trust.

Early in a relationship, couples are still learning each other’s money habits, such as spending patterns, saving priorities, and lifestyle preferences. If one person values saving for financial independence while the other is frivolously spending and maxing out credit cards, that tension will eventually surface. And according to the survey, it seems most Americans would prefer to address it sooner rather than later.

When Marriage Enters the Picture, Expectations Shift

As relationships move toward marriage, expectations become even more defined.

The survey found that 73% of Americans expect debt to be paid down before getting married. Yet 55% say they would help a partner pay down their debt. Interestingly though, 68% said they would not want help paying off debt they acquired before the relationship. That dynamic reveals something important. Many people say they would support a partner, while still preferring to handle their own pre-relationship debt independently.

There also seems to be a firm line when it comes to contributing financially, with 67% saying they would end a relationship if a partner refused to contribute. Once two financial lives merge, shared responsibility becomes part of the equation. Even if debt remains separate in some situations, household expenses, savings goals, and long-term plans need to be areas where couples are on the same page.

Couples preparing for marriage often face real decisions: Should we delay the wedding to pay down debt? Combine finances or keep them separate? Create a joint repayment plan? There is no universal right answer.

But clear conversations about spending habits, repayment timelines, and long-term goals can help couples align expectations before resentment builds. The earlier those discussions happen, the stronger the financial foundation they can create together.

The Bottom Line

Debt has become a defining factor in modern relationship compatibility. For some Americans, even $5,000 to $10,000 is enough to pause a budding romance. For others, transparency matters more than the total balance. But the overwhelming majority agree on one thing: Hiding debt can be more damaging than having it.

Financial conversations may not feel romantic, but they are increasingly part of healthy partnerships. In an economy where credit cards and other short-term borrowing are common, understanding both your own financial picture and your partner’s may be one of the most practical forms of compatibility in today’s dating landscape.