Over the past several decades, a quiet shift has emerged that has reshaped the marital landscape — gray divorce — the ending of long-term marriages among adults aged 50 and older.
Particularly noticeable among baby boomers, the phenomenon of later-life divorce may be due in part to greater cultural acceptance of divorce, longer life expectancy and greater emphasis on personal fulfillment later in life.
Yet, gray divorce brings unique challenges that younger couples rarely encounter, and can disrupt emotional, financial, and personal goals built over years of closely connected lives. Dividing assets, including homes, personal property, and retirement accounts, can disrupt years of careful financial planning. Health concerns, loneliness and the prospect of rebuilding social networks add layers of stress and worry.
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As couples enter their later years, many are facing the once-uncommon reality of gray divorce. So, what is this new reality? And what are the implications?
What is gray divorce?
Gray divorce is a term used to describe (gray-haired) couples over the age of 50 who end long-term marriages after decades together. While overall divorce rates in the United States have plummeted to their lowest levels in decades, gray divorce has surged dramatically.
This trend is thought to be driven by several factors, said Matheu Nunn, co-chair of Family/Matrimonial Law at Einhorn Barbarito. “Longer life expectancy, the aging of the large ‘boomer’ group, increased labor-force participation of seniors, diminished stigma around divorce, and the rise of second and later marriages, which statistically have even higher dissolution rates,” he said.
He goes on to say that COVID did not invent grey divorce; it acted as an accelerant for couples already on the cusp by compressing time together, magnifying incompatibilities and prompting life reassessment. “That is, they got tired of being “stuck” with each other.”
Unlike younger couples, those in gray divorces frequently grapple with complex challenges, such as health concerns, possible relocation and the emotional weight of a life torn apart after 20, 30, or even 40 years. Gray divorces not only disrupt personal lives but also ripple through families, finances and future dreams.
What are the statistics on gray divorce?
Divorce rates for people age 50 and over, often referred to as “gray divorce,” have significantly increased. In fact, the numbers have doubled since the 1990s. According to recent studies, about 36% of U.S. adults going through a divorce are aged 50 and older, a sharp increase from just 8.7% in 1990. The highest growth was seen among those aged 65 and older, whose rate has tripled since 1990. This increase certainly points to a striking shift in the landscape of marital dissolution.
Why does gray divorce happen?
Gray divorce often stems from evolving personal priorities that make it less desirable to remain in an unfulfilling relationship for another 20 to 30 years.
Claudia Cobreiro, Esq., Founder of Cobreiro Law, notes various factors that contribute to gray divorce. “A decrease in income and/or earning capacity upon reaching or entering retirement, children of the marriage growing up and leaving the home, and changes in benefits.”
Women, in particular, often initiate these divorces, guided by greater financial self-sufficiency than previous generations and a desire for freedom after years of prioritizing family needs. The growing acceptance of divorce by society removes the fear of judgment that once kept couples together for the sake of appearances.
Other common triggers may include:
- Lack of fulfillment
- One-sided relationships where partners have different interests, dreams and goals
- Searching for meaningful connection
- Feeling that the marriage has become stagnant
- Empty nest syndrome and a need to be independent
- Desire for personal growth, mental well-being and improving quality of life
- Life-changing events, like near-death experiences or surviving an illness
Essentially, gray divorce frequently reflects a later-in-life awakening, or simply the courage to seek individual growth and joy when time feels fleeting and more precious, rather than settling for companionship that no longer works.
(Image credit: Getty Images)
How does gray divorce impact finances?
Financially, women seem to bear a heavier burden from gray divorce. Studies show that a woman’s standard of living plummets by about 45% post-divorce, compared to 21% for men.
This gap typically stems from lower lifetime earnings and a reliance on spousal assets such as 401(k) plans and pensions. On the other hand, men often maintain higher incomes and rebound faster financially during and after a divorce. Of course, this varies from one situation to the next.
Beyond everyday expenses and estate planning, a gray divorce involves several other complex financial layers that require careful attention, said Sarah Jacobs & Jamie Berger, Matrimonial and Family Law Attorneys at Jacobs Berger, LLC.
“Divorce can impact Social Security benefits if you and your spouse have been married for more than ten years. According to the National Council on Aging, older women, on average, receive about $4,500 less annually in Social Security benefits than older men, partly due to lower lifetime earnings or time spent raising children.”
Jacobs and Berger go on to say that, in general, if one spouse earns significantly less than the other, they may be entitled to claim Social Security benefits based on their spouse’s earnings record if they do not remarry, without reducing the benefit payment for the other spouse.
Nunn adds that the marital balance sheet often skews toward illiquid assets, such as home equity, retirement accounts, 401(k)s, IRAs and pensions. “Splitting these can materially reduce each spouse’s retirement readiness. For spouses not yet Medicare‑eligible, loss of employer‑sponsored coverage can be a shock. For Medicare‑eligible spouses, income changes may trigger IRMAA surcharges and asset division and RMDs, which can affect future premiums.”
Nunn notes that gray divorce often disrupts family legacies and college funding while creating new challenges for holiday traditions and — perhaps most critically — the coordination of care for aging parents.
Alimony is another common family law matter during a gray divorce, said Theresa Viera, founder and family law attorney at Modern Legal. “The amount and duration of alimony will depend on the length of the marriage, the parties’ age and health, each party’s earning capacity, and the status of receiving retirement benefits.”
Spouses who have been out of the workforce for years or even decades may find it challenging to kickstart a career again or return to the workforce at all, Nunn says. “This becomes particularly challenging if the stay-at-home spouse is not yet old enough to start collecting from retirement accounts or other sources of financial assistance.”
How does gray divorce impact men and women differently?
According to Psychology Today, women are more likely to initiate these separations, often citing unmet emotional needs or a desire for independence after years of prioritizing the needs of the family. Socially and emotionally, men seem to do much worse in isolation. They tend to lose social networks, as wives typically manage family and friend connections.
Post-divorce, men report higher rates of loneliness and less contact with adult children, who often side (for better or worse) with their mothers, according to an article in Rutgers. Although women may face greater financial strain, they will also often strengthen bonds with friends and family, finding empowerment in their newfound freedom. Remarrying patterns differ, too. Men are more likely to remarry quickly, while women are slower to remarry or may not remarry at all, prioritizing self-discovery.
How does gray divorce impact children?
Contrary to what many believe, gray divorce can have a profound effect on adult children, even long after they’ve left home, and can often lead to grief, anger and confusion. In many cases, adult children become mediators, caregivers or financial supporters, adding stress to their own lives. Some may feel the need to choose between parents or take sides, though many reconcile over time.
Gray divorce may influence their own relationships, with fears of commitment or trust issues arising. Holidays, birthdays and other family milestones become logistical nightmares, dividing loyalties. Yet, some find silver linings, such as stronger individual bonds with parents.
(Image credit: Getty Images)
How does gray divorce impact your physical health?
The vow to stick it out in sickness and in health may not be the cure-all to an unhappy marriage, as gray divorce can damage a person’s physical health due to intense stress, loneliness and disrupted routines. This can lead to issues like poor sleep, a weakened immunity, higher risks of heart disease, diabetes, hypertension, obesity and cognitive decline, according to the National Library of Medicine.
Social isolation, which is often worse for men, may also increase the likelihood of long-term illness, while financial strain can lead to poor nutrition and physical ailments. Women may face prolonged stress from a hit to their finances, affecting heart and immune health, though men see sharper spikes in mortality. However, it must be said that escaping a toxic marriage can (and often does) eventually promote better self-care and healthier habits.
How does depression or mental health come into play?
Studies show that symptoms typically peak around the time of the divorce but gradually decline, often returning to ‘normal’ levels within a few years. Estranged adult children or financial stress only add to depression and sorrow. On the other hand, for those in unhappy or toxic marriages, ending it can ultimately reduce stress and encourage well-being through therapy, social reconnection or remarrying.
Nunn agrees. Early cognitive decline or chronic illness strains marriages and complicates finances. Early-stage dementia can sometimes also contribute to or “mask” underlying issues in a marriage that lead to gray divorce.
“From a legal standpoint, capacity to enter agreements, the need for guardianship or powers of attorney, and protection against undue influence all require careful handling,” she says. “Often, the more practical path is comprehensive planning — long‑term care, trusts, and supported decision‑making — rather than litigated divorce. Even so, every case is fact‑specific.”
Is taking a break better than permanently breaking up?
When struggling with an unhealthy marriage or considering a divorce after many years as a couple, trying a trial separation or temporary break, rather than rushing into divorce, can sometimes be a wiser step.
However, when one or both partners aren’t fully committed, these breaks may instead broaden the distance and pave the way for a final breakup. Success usually depends on both partners’ willingness to use the time apart for individual therapy or counseling, rather than avoiding the problems that sparked the issue of divorce altogether.
Read: We’re Retired and Fight More Than Ever. Should We Take a Break?
Gray divorce is both an ending and a reset
Gray divorce often represents a difficult transition into a new chapter. Understanding its impact on your family and wealth is key to making an informed choice. With the help of age-specific counseling and support, you can successfully navigate the emotional and logistical hurdles of a split in later life.
