Question: I’m 68, retired, and loved spending the holidays with my grandkids. Now that everyone’s back to real life, I’m getting more depressed by the day. How can I change my outlook?
Answer: For working folks and retirees alike, the holidays are often a highlight of the year. There’s festive music on the radio, neighborhood homes are adorned with lights, and the mood is generally elevated.
You might especially enjoy the holidays if it means spending a meaningful amount of time with your grandchildren. But if that’s the case, those first few post-holiday weeks can be a big letdown. This especially holds true if you’re retired and don’t have the distractions of a busy job to occupy your brain space as the world settles into its after-holiday routine.
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If you’re a 68-year-old retiree who’s now missing your grandkids and growing increasingly depressed because of that, it’s important to break the cycle. Here’s how.
Figure out the root of the problem
It’s natural to feel sad when you’ve just spent quality time with loved ones who aren’t as accessible to you during the year. But there’s a difference between feeling a bit melancholy that the good times are over and feeling down all the time. If you’re in the latter boat, it’s important to identify the root cause, says Lalo Rivera, LPC, founder at The Listening Body Counseling Services.
“The experience of post-holiday blues is not an uncommon one,” she says. “The high of the festive environment, engaging in cultural traditions, and the togetherness of family in one place can be difficult to come down from.”
Plus, Rivera says, “Grandchildren bring a specific light-hearted joy that can serve as a tonic to their doting grandparents.”
That said, Rivera continues, if you’re feeling depressed since the holidays, it’s important to understand what’s driving it. Is it a feeling that you don’t have things to look forward to in general? Or is it a feeling that you’re missing out on being part of your grandchildren’s lives?
If it’s the latter situation, Rivera suggests finding meaningful ways to stay connected to your grandchildren more consistently.
“If the children are young, perhaps you could be responsible for reading a bedtime story every night via a video call, or helping with homework on a subject you might have expertise or knowledge in,” she says.
If a daily check-in isn’t feasible, come up with a schedule that’s reasonable for everyone. Having a preset time to connect with your grandchildren might help you feel that you’re a regular presence in their lives while giving you ongoing contact to look forward to.
Plan something exciting for yourself
Like Rivera, Darin Hays, LSW at Peace Family Counseling, acknowledges that the post-holiday letdown can be hard on retirees. He suggests planning something to look forward to so you can shake those disappointed feelings.
“Maybe it’s a weekend stay for the grandkids to give their parents a break and you some time with them,” he says. “Maybe it’s a trip to a national or state park with a friend… Whatever it is, make sure it’s something that brings you some level of excitement and joy.”
Hays also says that whatever it is you plan doesn’t have to be a life-changing adventure.
“Don’t discount small or medium levels of joy,” he insists. If you can’t swing a dream trip right now, plan a couple of fun day trips. If it doesn’t work to have your grandkids come for a weekend, maybe you could meet at a central location and enjoy some lunch. The key is to give yourself something you can plan and be happy about.
Consider making changes to your routine
If you’re nursing an exceptionally bad case of the post-holiday blues, it may be time to reassess your current routine as a whole.
“Try to create some type of a daily rhythm to give your mind some activation and something to get you going each day,” says Hays. That could be a new hobby or recurring social activity.
“Whatever it is, find a few options for activities and a schedule to keep your brain and body active each day,” says Hays, who also suggests asking friends and family for ideas if you’re feeling stuck.
Rivera agrees that a bout of depression following the holidays can be an opportunity to explore what’s missing from your current life. It may, she says, be a sense of purpose, fulfilling relationships, or fun.
“Everyone needs something to look forward to and, with the holidays behind you, it’s important to find something in your immediate future that inspires enthusiasm and interest,” she insists.
Remind yourself that your feelings may ease with time
Making concrete plans to interact with your grandkids more often and adding meaningful activities to your routine are great ways to cope with the feelings you’re having. But Hays says it’s also a good idea to remind yourself that this time of year is hard on many people, and that you’re not alone. You may find that as the weeks pass, your bad feelings start easing.
“While this hardship can be frustrating, it will not last forever,” he says. “Remembering that can help give you the strength to persevere through it.”
